How Insensitive

I used to share a very special relationship with one particular girl in my life... We had our fair share of ups and downs... Throughout the years however, we seem to have drifted apart... And it's been a long time since we've been on talking terms...

Why? you ask... Well, I can't remember when we 1st had our arguments... but I think it was built up over time... Her harsh words and mine sometimes... I think we hurt one another emotionally... and it's only by God's grace we didn't resort to violence... The pain, anguish, [inserts long chain of adjectives here] I think resulted in a silent war...

At that time, she was drifting further away from God... I'm not gonna reveal her personal life here... Well, cut a long story short... She's come back to Christ recently... so I've heard... I rejoice for her... and we've started to talk again... because I want to bury the hatchet and because I want to try my best to love her... though I might not like the things she does most of the time... but because of Jesus' love for me, I can find the strength to love her... as hard as it is for me to do so sometimes...

I recently unblocked her from msn... yes, yes... you may think this is childish... and it probably is... but the reason I blocked her and shut her out of my life is because I feared getting hurt emotionally... you may think it cliche... but sometimes the dust of familiarity can blind one's eyes...

Well, talking with her on msn still brings back bad memories... and I'm not one to forget easily... it was interesting.... every time I said something... it felt as if she was scrutinising everything I did in my life... saying things "out of love" seemed like a flippant excuse for attacking me and putting me down... and with our kinda history... you'd know why... everything she said seemed condescending but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt that she cares for me and wants the best for me... Though I'd appreciate it if she toned it down a bit when it gets more than annoying...

We could quote lots of scripture about the fine line between looking at the plank in one's eye and looking out for your fellow believer... but I'm not going to do that... Mainly because this is in no way an attack on her for whatever wrong she's done in my life or my mistakes in hers... Instead, I'll be the 1st to say I'm sorry and ask for her forgiveness... and I too forgive her for all the pain and hurt she's caused in mine... Dumbing yourself down isn't easy... Those of you who know me well know I like to keep everything inside of me... bottled up for years on end... emotions in every living fibre of my body expressed through music... what an outlet...

No, my friends, this is not a testimony of how much I dislike that girl or the things she has done... It is instead my public declaration of trying to love her as much as Jesus loves me... And though I still find it really really really really really really really tough, I'm trying my very best... for our real enemy is the evil one who is trying to tear us apart... not each other and I will not let him succeed... and though I may still not like her actions.... I'm loving her more each day.... for God's love conquers all...

Still trying...

If This Isn't Love

Jac's recital was ok... She was super nervous... Some of the songs had to be restarted... Oh well... I saw Jeremy and Wei Xiang there too... It was fun anyway... Met Babes Conde too... Lester wanted my number cos he didn't get it from me the last time... haha... He and I played for Francis one Sunday... I think it was 2 Christmases ago... wow... that IS a long time! Anyway, he gave me a lift to City Hall... I ate dinner and went home...

I saw a girl on the bus who looked as if she was crying... she looked liked one of my friends... but she wasn't... I was suddenly reminded of some love issues... got me thinking about selfishness and thinking about self-gratification.... Now, imagine if I was to do that to someone... hurting them sooo much... being in a relationship just to satisfy your own wants and needs... that's not love... that's self-centredness... I may have caught a glimpse of what was in store for me if I went down that road...

Some of these points in the JH book got to me... How would I account to God for my actions? how can I remain pure and blameless before Him? sure... almost everyone is getting attached, breaking up... but in the end I answer to God... not everyone... my actions haven't escaped His notice... but as the author said... and I agree... I'd rather be praying in private than preaching in public...

Love...

People

I, Me, Myself.... the struggle with pride is a never-ending one... self-centredness... always thinking about yourself... hrmmm... gotta watch out for that... but anyway... ever felt like everyone's ignoring you? and they only pay attention to you for the things you do well instead of for who you are as a person? Sometimes I feel there's more love coming from my NON-Christian friends outside church.... But then again.... I think God's trying to tell me to be less selfish... And consider the needs of others...

Anyway... went to Shine Forth for service... went an hour early cos I needed some quiet time.... then sat with Bryan and Daniel Simunjuntak... Lunch at canteen.... then taught Priscilla from Prayer and Praise... stayed for the 5pm practice for a while then went to play captain's ball... Met new people... Ryan, Daniel, Vincent, Shandi and Song Liang... Chatted more with Daniel and Ryan... Then it was dinner at Clarke Quay... Some coffee shop... Church peeps... Daniel came later...

Samantha came with her best friend Guen about the same time Ramu, Matthew and Wen arrived at Jazz@SouthBridge... haha... I should have gone up with them 1st... Oh well... met them later.... everyone was asking me if I was going to Jam.... can't a guy take a break for once? hahaha... I met more people up at the bar too... these guys called Daniel and Simon... Oh... I saw Johnny and Aka Ho too... Said hi to them... Samantha and Guen left early cos Samantha had a driving lesson... Xiao Hui came too... I was hanging out with Ramu, Matthew and Simon because Wen was too busy talking to girls as usual... I had to remind him who my friend was... lol... You owe me one dude...

Michelle dropped by around 1145 with a bunch of her school mates from Laselle... Got to know a few more people but didn't actually remember their names... hahaha... there were about 5 of them!!! well, I left when the church people left... Shared a cab back with Ramu... I owe you $6.50 man... haha... I need to learn "Put Your Head On My Shoulder" before Thursday... arghh.... so little time... If Samantha's coming I have to play it... lol... Anyway... I'm going for Jac's performance tonight!!! yay!!! I get paid!!! I'm going broke... haha.... By the way...the Joshua Harris are an interesting read... altered my view on relationships a bit... or at least established certain truths... go read it if you haven't...

Anyway, I'd better get going... I'm re-evaluating my life right now... transition in progress... More people to meet tonight yall...

I'm outta here....

All By Myself

Words cannot express how I'm feeling now... but whatever it is... it ain't pretty... hrmm.... guess God's peeling me layer by layer... have you ever felt so much guilt about the things you've done in the past? and it's as if you can't tell anyone about it? Cos you're afraid of the humiliation it will cause you and the hurt it will cause other people... like should you tell them or should you not tell them? hrmm....

Last night I was spending time alone just meditating and I was feeling this whole burden come down on me just as I was about to sleep... I can't describe it... it was like I was reminded about my past... and every single bad thing I did just popped into my head... lotsa emotions... fear, sadness, embarassment, you name it.... etc, etc, etc... I feel confused... Oh well... guess God is doing something in my life right now... just can't figure out what...

Anyway... Friday was fun... the cast from Mei Jian's rehearsal were celebrating Jane's birthday... did you know she's Foo Chow and knows my friend Jeremy from the Foo Chow church? Small world... haha... I'm Foo Chow too... we had a full run in the lecture room... nice place... then after that it was dinner with Fazli, Jin Teng and Mei Jian... boring night... haha...

Today was quite good as well... Jac's prac was fun... I was jamming with Lester and Daniel... trying to memorize some jazz standards... haha... the auditorium in Laselle is pretty decent... cool... I popped by waffle town and bumped into Joseph, Maurice and Jon Woo... Had a drink then went to see Suyin about worship leading for the Yam Jam thingy next Saturday... they were having cell... I met Deanne on the way... hee.... just got back home...

Oh!!! I bought 2 of the Joshua Harris books... I can't seem to put it down... I'm enthralled.. haha.... I think I'm gonna read that later... I won't be surprised if I read the entire book tonight... or both... haha... It's a nice break getting some time to myself at last.... I used to be so busy with worship practices and stuff... hrmm... maybe God wants me to spend more time with Him alone... right... I'm off yall...

Catch Ya Later...

The Greatest Love of All

The Coffee Club last night was packed!!!! Sooo many people.... And I wanted to start early but Daniel arrived later than usual... oh well... haha... Anyway, we had a blast... tried new songs and all... Quando, quando, quando was sweet... hee... it was some 30 year old lady's birthday so someone requested for the birthday song and "Words" by the Bee Gees... I didn't know how to play it... malu seah... haha... Daniel helped me to the instrumental version on his guitar... Then we also played Girl From Ipanema in a minor key... hilarious...

My secondary school classmate Jonathan showed up with his girlfriend... I think it's been about 6 years since we last met up properly... Then another Daniel from SAF Bands was around that area too so he said he'd bring more of our band mates down... and I was like Nooooooooo.... hahahaha.... Cherene and her boyfriend also popped by just to say hi... hee... Not too bad a night I must say... Going for Mei Jian's rehearsal today... It's the full run... Right, those are just things happening in my life... if you really wanna know how I am, read on...

I quit dating... it serves no purpose whatsoever... in the end both parties end up hurt... I think the reasons why I started was because I was bored, naive, curious and there was a lot of peer pressure... work, church, basically everywhere... Now don't get me wrong here... I'm not trying to make excuses for myself...

Ever since I got out of army, I've been like super free to do the things I wanted to or wanted to try... so you see things pile up on top of one another and very soon you're more busy than you know... have you ever heard the phrase "An empty mind is a devil's playground?" I used to think that would apply to my life... like if I didn't keep busy, I would be tempted to do the things I shouldn't have... but I've been reading this article that begs to differ... Author Unknown...

Satan called a worldwide convention. In his opening address to his evil angels, he said "We can't keep the Christians from going to church. We can't keep them from reading their Bibles and knowing the truth. We can't even keep them from conservative values.

But we can do something else. We can keep them from forming an intimate, abiding relationship in Christ. If they gain that connection with Jesus, our power over them is broken.

So let them go to church, let them have their conservative lifestyles, but steal their time so they can't gain that experience in Jesus Christ. This is what I want you to do, angels. Distract them from gaining hold of their Saviour and maintaining that vital connection throughout their day!"

"How shall we do this?" shouted his angels.

"Keep them busy in the nonessentials of life and invent unnumbered schemes to occupy their minds," he answered.

"Tempt them to spend, spend, spend, then borrow, borrow, borrow. Convince the wives to go to work for long hours and the husbands to work 6 or 7 days a week, 10 to 12 hours a day, so they can afford their lifestyles. Keep them from spending time with their children. As their family fragments, soon their homes will offer no escape from the pressures of work."

"Over-stimulate their minds so that they cannot hear that small still voice. Entice them to play the radio or cassette player whenever they drive, to keep the TV, VCR, DVDs, CDs and their PCs going constantly in their homes. And see to it that every store and restaurant in the world plays non-biblical, contradictory music constantly. This will jam their minds and break that union with Christ."

"Fill their coffee-tables with magazines and newspapers. Pound their minds with the news 24 hours a day. Invade their driving moments with billboards. Flood their mailboxes with junk-mail, sweepstakes, mail-order catalogues and every kind of newsletter and promotional offering free products, services and false hopes."

"Even in their recreation let them be excessive. Have them return from the recreation exhausted, disquieted and unprepared for the coming week. Don't let them go out to nature to reflect on God's wonders. Send them to amusement parks, sporting events, concerts and movies instead."

"And when they meet for spiritual fellowship, involve them in gossip and small talk so that they leave with troubled consciences and unsettled emotions."

"Let them be involved in soul-winning, but crowd their lives with so many causes that they have no time to seek power from Christ. Soon they will be working in their own strength, sacrificing their health and family for the good of the cause."

It was quite a convention in the end. The evil angels went to their assignments causing Christians everywhere to get busy, busy, busy and rush here and there.
Has the devil been successful in his scheme?

You be the judge.

How about this definition of BUSY: Being Under Satan's Yoke

Satan's goal is to take our minds away from Christ and steer us towards the cares of the world. God wants us to enjoy life, but He must be first. If we are too busy for God, then we are too busy!

Interesting right? haha... yea... I read this and I can't help but keep getting reminded about the story of Mary and Martha... Read up the story in Luke 10... And it is true... like my friend Anna said... God desires obedience sooooo much more than sacrifice.... I don't think it by chance that I stepped down from the music ministry... I think God is trying to tell me to just to dwell in His presence and not be "distracted about the preparations"... if playing every Sunday becomes a "chore", I shouldn't play at all... cos there's no chance to get fed spiritually...

Now how does all of this fit into dating you say? I haven't a clue... somehow I went off on a tangent and it may be a far shot... so do correct me if I'm wrong... For starters... the concept of dating, to me I think... is like you're so busy looking for love and romance, you don't trust God with your life... And peer pressure has a lot to do with it as well... After a while you're so concerned about trying to gain acceptance from your friends, you neglect God and forget that the greatest love of all is right there in front of you...

John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life"

Jesus died for our sins on Calvary... That a King would die for me... And not just any King... but the King of Kings and Lord of Lords... And I realise no matter how many times I've heard this being said, nothing can compare to the gravity of that verse... So it's time I devoted a lot more to the lover of my soul... Cos if I can't love a perfect person perfectly... Then what makes me think I can love an imperfect person perfectly?

Right?

Trust and Obey

When we walk with the Lord
In the light of His Word
What a glory He sheds on our way!
While we do His good will
He abides with us still
And with all who will trust and obey

Chorus
Trust and obey
For there's no other way
To be happy in Jesus
But to trust and obey

Not a shadow can rise
Not a cloud in the skies
But His smile quickly drives it away
Not a doubt or a fear
Not a sigh or a tear
Can abide while we trust and obey

Not a burden we bear
Not a sorrow we share
But our toil He doth richly repay
Not a grief or a loss
Not a frown or a cross
But is blest if we trust and obey

But we never can prove
The delights of His love
Until all on the altar we lay
For the favour He shows
And the joy He bestows
Are for them who will trust and obey

Then in fellowship sweet
We will sit at His feet
Or we'll walk by His side in the way
What He says we will do
Where He sends we will go
Never fear, only trust and obey

Happy Days Are Here Again

I never thought I would say this.... But I wish it would rain tonight so I don't have to play at the coffee club... I think I'm losing my voice... sigh... Oh well... hope it goes alright tonight... the week's passed by tooooo fast... so many things, not enough rest... to think that I actually got more sleeping time in army!!! haha...

I know I haven't blogged for like 2 days... I was kinda depressed and thought I might let you catch up on previous posts... haha... like as if people actually read the entire post... my friend Jonathan Lim from secondary school got in contact with me again and said I was writing a novel!!! not a blog... haha... Ok, I admit... my entries are super long... but who says you have to read them right? mwahahahaha...

Tuesday was cool... Mei Jian's practise was super fun... Sha is a really good dance choreographer... I hope Ramu can at least make some practises... I'm kinda worried... busy man... hee... Was hanging out with Phil Jin in the band room after that... I can't believe he knows soooo many languages...haha... he's a very nice guy...

Wednesday was super!!! I finally got down to doing some serious practise!!! 3 hours... sweet... then it was jamming at night... hilarious... hahahaa..... Xiao Hui was having a ball doing that Alicia Keys song and some other jazz numbers... I went for supper with Dan and Yado.. ok not exactly.... but it was at Caltex... they were going on about soccer and how they were not good enough at music... blah blah blah... can you guys paleeezeeeeee stop moping!!!!! aiyo.... hahahaha.... Oh!!! I got some of my pics from that gig I did with Marina... I hope I don't look to... ahem..... metro!!!! lol!!!





Right... I wonder who's coming to visit me tonight... haha... life ain't that bad after all... I'm going to practise yall... cya...

Happy Days Are Here Again...

From This Moment On

Wow... Little did I know my last blog entry would evoke such a response... All in all, I really thank you guys and gals who have shared with me and not condemned me but convicted me... It's helped me sooo much... more than you'll ever know... Kudos to Randy, Roy, Jo, Priscilla, Kimbarley, Minli and Anna (especially) for listening and sharing... I'm truly blessed to have such wonderful brothers and sisters in Christ... some pointers that really got to me...

From Anna:
Dude, if there's one thing I've realised, God desires obedience much more than sacrifice. You serving in the music ministry means NOTHING to Him if He doesn't have your heart... Which means loving Him with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength. Everything you've got. And maybe He wants you to stop doing things so that you'll learn just how to BE. To be His son, to be His child. Not to do anything to earn His love. You might've heard this before, but it makes a lot of sense: we're human BEings, not human doings... God bless

From Randy:
Bro I will pray for you. Continue to see how our life really is a process of being transformed, perhaps to one day be as best a husband you can be. God sometimes close doors to prepare us better or perhaps to save us from the horrors of what may lie on the other side haha. Trust and obey for there is really no other way to be happy.

Thanx for the gentle reminders!!!

Another conversation which helped me cos I'm too tired to re-edit... haha... sorry...

Jordan: thanx.... I really NEEDED to HEAR that... thanx for keeping me on track!

Anna: np. and you know what? I absolutely do not believe in dating

Jordan: yea?

Anna: and the fact that your leader is asking u if u have a gf, it's just wrong.

Jordan: hrmmm

Anna: if he meant it in a "you should go get one" way… but if he meant it in a "do u have one because if u are u shouldn't" way, then it's ok… I don't know… the Bible doesn't say specifically, and maybe I'm just ultra conservative…

Jordan says: actually... my leader was a she…

Anna: but a bf would just totally distract me from my walk with God if it wasn't the right time

Jordan: and she didn't mean it the latter

Anna: oh... hm.. , well, then i don't know. but u know what? Jesus never said following Him was easy. =)

Jordan: that's true… why dun you believe in dating? Anyway... I didn't know you read my blog… hahah

Anna: well, i just happened to go there today.. didn't go before…no i don't believe in dating. it's distracting if it's the wrong time

Jordan: AH... icic.... hrmmm.... what's your view?

Anna: about dating? ever heard of the book "I kissed dating goodbye" by Joshua Harris?

Jordan: yea.... I'm trying to get my hands on it…

Anna: well, it's a good book. mm.. well, i guess it's partly cos my church also doesn't believe in dating.. more like we believe in 'courtship'

Jordan: yea.... but how would you know the one? dun mean to sound bitter and all

Anna: for that, read 'boy meets girl' after i kissed dating goodbye… I mean, it's not like a rule book and definitely manual, but

Jordan: it helps

Anna: definitely a lot of prayer, a lot of counselling from the leaders at church, and just courting… getting to know one another better, to see if God's calling the 2 of u in the same direction… I mean God won't put 2 people whose destinies are totally different together because when u get married, you and ur spouse's destinies will affect each other

Jordan: that's true… hrmm... interesting points… I think I’m beginning to understand now

Anna: mm.. and one thing I've learnt about marriage.. it's not for one's happiness… in fact, it's going to challenge us so much further… and really the crux of it is, if someone being married would glorify God more than if he or she remaining single all his or her life, then he or she shd get married… it's really a matter of what brings God the most glory

Jordan: purposeful singlehood

Anna: yep... that's right.

Jordan: ic... wow you know a lot… hahaha

Anna: well, I can't help it, i'm sold out for Him.. heh..

Jordan: I should get you as my therapist… hahaha

Anna: you just need spiritual family. Haha

Jordan: haha yes sis!!!

Anna: and of course u urself being sold out for Him

Jordan: :)

After, re-reading blog entries and comments... I'm touched by all of your concerns... thanx for all your prayers... I'm starting to feel better already... If God says He has a plan for my life, I'd better believe that He does...

Prob 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight"

I think I'd better start loving the family of God and DO it, not only say it.... I found the song I wrote the other day... I'll share it with you...

I'm Giving You My All

I've crossed many different paths
Tried to find a way of living
But I've never found a thing that would gratify
My meaningless desires

Contemplating on life's goal
I have found no satisfaction
But I know now You're the one who can change
My life, renewed, forever

And I'm giving You my all
I'm giving You my everything
I'm giving You my all
As a pleasing offering
I'm giving You my all
I'm giving You my everything
I'm giving You my all
My Saviour, Lord and King

Different places I have been
But this heart is still so empty
Nothing ever could fill this vast, wide void
But You've turned my world around

Entered into my whole being
Filled me with Your Holy Spirit
And forever I will worship and pray
And I'll kneel before you now

From This Moment On...

It's Been A Long, Long Time

Ok... So I'm not all smiles... That previous blog entry was a little too boring and this one is a bit too soon... I don't how to say this... but I'll try... at the risk of sounding narcissistic and proud... though I don't wanna sound like that... and I don't mean to sound desperate too... but then again maybe I'm in denial... right now I don't know how I feel... depressed I guess... yea... my life ain't as picture perfect as most people think it is...

You know how this blog was started cos of some love issues... Well, it still goes on because of love issues... ok i'm not making any sense... Let's start way back from the beginning shall we... My life story for you... if you don't want to hear it go read some other else's blog... I'm not in the mood for non-serious stuff... No offence...

Back when I was a kid, I liked this girl in my old church... not going to say who... some of you know... but anyway... I was new at this... guess I still am... well, needless to say, she rejected me... no hard feelings.. we're good friends now... but back then it was a big issue...

I was so upset... depressed, everything... you name it... burned myself... shut people out of my life to avoid getting hurt... I vowed I was going to show her one day who I would become... some famous person whom all the girls will like and that she'll regret not going out with me... I'm just telling you that's how I felt at that time... It was very proud and selfish of me... Don't get me wrong yea??? I was very childish back then...

Anyway, I invested all my time in practising music non-stop, didn't care about making friends or anything and all... kept to myself the entire time in secondary school... so after O levels I was practising everyday for 6 hours or something... may have been less... dunno... but still a lot... trying out all the different instruments and stuff... Just finding some way to escape from it all... I couldn't tell anyone how I was feeling inside... or didn't want to... I guess I was just venting my feelings through my playing...

Well, back then, my church was small, so there wasn't anyone you didn't know... so when I changed church to Barker... it was like sooo many people... I forgot about her and met new friends... began to open up a bit more... I met more people in the music ministry... You know where I'm going with this... I said to myself... wow... I think it'll be easy to find a girlfriend here... I can take my time... then it was at youth camp where Daniel Long was talking about not flirting and stuff... Cos I think I was on the verge of doing it... he was really angry with some of the youth in camp... and for goodness sakes... I was one of the group leaders!!! Shame on me... I rededicated my life to God... or so I thought...

I had to leave for studies in the UK... and I tell you... I strayed a lot... there was this other girl I liked in some college... but it didn't work out... we hardly knew each other... I foolish to rush into things... yea... she rejected me... Now the 1st gal from Singapore I liked for 4 or 5 years until she said no... so I waited... then this gal from UK... too short a time... and by then I was already heading off to Singapore and stuff... oh well... I went back to Singapore for NS... more hurt, angry at life, bitter at God, and withdrawn from the world... I was like... life has won, I am beaten...

NS was even harder still... there was so much pressure about getting attached and all... even from church as well!!! So I went to church for the wrong reasons... played in the music ministry and as many services all for the wrong reasons... to sum it all up... to get noticed... to get people to like me... gain acceptance... yada yada yada...

And you know what... I did get noticed... but it wasn't for the right reasons... anyway... to cut a long story short... It was only when I was forced to stop playing for the different services that I realised what I was doing was wrong... ok, not exactly forced... but God prevented me from playing... Being busy with my 1st national day parade and stuff... This time I said to myself... Get real... I got serious about God... and brushed off topics about love and stuff... said to myself I'm going to leave my love life in God's hands... sounds all to familiar doesn't it? But I think I wasn't confronting it properly...

Right, so I focused on playing for one service, I quit Sunday School cos I knew there would be too many distractions... played for Shine Forth cos that time they were in need of musicians... eventually stepped up to worship leading... I was happy with my life right until March this year... same time I started my blog... now constantly in my 11 or 12 years of serving in the music ministry... I have been asked if I have a girlfriend... but didn't think much of it... but when you get asked by one of your leaders? that's strange... I keep thinking to myself... Is now the time or what? waiting for so long can sometimes get tiring... hearing all this talk about God having a plan for your life and all... it's the same thing over and over again... I admit sometimes my faith runs dry... wondering if God is ever there...

Oh well, truth is I've been so busy with serving God in the music ministry and now that I've stepped down, I don't really know what to do... playing every Sunday gets tiring... people just waiting for you to screw up and laugh at you later... be it on the stage or in life... heck... maybe I shouldn't even blog!!! knowing all the pain this is going to cause me or already has... Saying that I'm going to trust God with my life gets tiring... sometimes I feel I can't take it anymore... I wanna scream but it'll wreck my voice... do I sound too self-obsessed to you? I think I do... I don't care anymore... you guys put me up on a pedestal if you want to... so when you people say you can't find anything wrong with my life... think again...

Maybe I read too much into what people say... I have tendency of doing that and people get the wrong idea... or maybe I get the wrong idea.... wadever... It's real hard when I see all my friends attached... and I'm still like single and all... you can tell me all the pros and cons... I've heard them before... It gets lonely sometimes... sometimes, when I talk about new girls I meet, maybe it's an attempt to tell myself that I'm accepted and I won't feel so lonely... Call it denial to desperation or what you wanna... sometimes I wished I had wished for happiness and a perfect companion instead of fame and recognition... Then again... maybe I'm the only one to blame for still being single... maybe I don't know what I want yet... so excuse me if I'm sounding self-absorbent and egotistical now... I'm distraught... I hope you understand... I think I'm mad at myself... not you guys who keep reading this blog...

I don't really know how I feel... I mean maybe all my time serving the Lord has kept me focused on Him instead of pondering about how my life will turn out... Is it selfish to think that way? Maybe that's a wrong and unfair statement... I know I need to trust God... it's hard though... There's seriously a lot of sacrifice involved... I've no regrets about being soooo involved in the ministry... that was the most fulfilling time of my life... but now that I'm not so active... hrmmm.... argh... I don't know what to think.... this could be a transition period... who knows? In any case, looks like more good music is heading your way... blood, sweat and tears... someone please help or pray for me...

Intense Man...

Small World

Wow... I met 3 more people I knew at Jac's prac on Saturday... The drummer Daniel and the bassist Lester... I didn't know they were playing for Jac... then there was this guitarist Derek who was my piano student's guitar teacher... communicated with him over the phone before... I was kinda late cos Ivan ended his practise early... haha... they were all like waiting for me when I arrived... so paiseh... haha... Oh well... when I saw all of them I was like... whoa!!! it's you guys!!! yay! fun... cos I've played with them before...

Practice was super funny... nobody knew who was supposed to take charge and all... bleah... they were all expecting me to but I was like so much younger than all of them and I don't really like to tell people older than me what to do... I feel very uncomfortable... No offence you guys... haha... but we managed to get everything sorted out in the end... it was quite a boring day... Went back home and was talking with Minli and Amanda about relationships and stuff... can't say much here... sorry guys... private stuff...

Sunday was ok I guess... went to Shine Forth and Edward was playing the keyboards... He's improved sooo much... I really respect the guy... so humble and all... then ate lunch with Zaneta, Zhimei, Dan, Jacqueline, Cheryl, Debbie, Jon Wong and Delia... they had some cell worship meeting... Oh! Bernard also asked me to lead worship for this alpha thingy... I thought Bryan was doing it... oh well... any of you guys interested to play for this? lemme know yall... Then I told Wyman and Alfrin that I was going for the church camp and they asked me to try and find more musicians who are interested in playing... I'm not even in the worship committee!!! haha... Then Sandra the worship committee head was asking me to like show her how to play free worship stuff... pressure... haha... guess I'll have to get more used to this...

Ok then it was Lester's party in the evening... Was kinda bored until Eric and his girlfriend, Ting Nee arrived... can't remember her name exactly... sorry Eric... haha... Then Denise and her boyfriend showed up later... Jennifer came last... I think she overslept... Claire, Rachel, Esther and Winnie couldn't make it... Quite a fun party... played a bit of frisbee with some guys I didn't know... haha... makes up for not going to games with the Wesley people... sigh... Got to know this guy called Leslie and his wife Wendy too... Also this girl Sheena who knows my sis and thought I looked familiar... hrmm...

Anyway, some random person, Nicole, commented on my blog... She was at coffee club on Thursday as well... She knows Jaime somehow but I don't know her... haha... funny how small the world is right? I'm still feeling tired from the weekend although it was super boring!!! And Priscilla is asking me to post my blog entry now so she can comment... so I'd better end of here... hee... Wonder who else I might bump into this week...

It's a small world after all...

I'm All Smiles

I started Friday of with a rather bad experience... the taxi driver drove me to Changi instead of Laselle!!! I was so angry... he didn't even want to give a discount either!!! I just shut the door on him when he was giving me my change... I didn't want to take it... If it's money he wants he can keep it... A whopping $19.30!!!! Man!!! And he didn't even take me to Laselle... I asked him to stop at that McDonald's and KFC place near the national stadium... He made one big U-turn even though I asked him to stop on the other side then I would walk... Sigh... some people just don't listen... I think his name is Ng Siew Har or Siew Hiaw... or something like that... Be warned you people!!!... well, the initials are Ng S.H.

Jac had to come and get me from McDonald's cos I didn't know how to get from there to Laselle... Hee... She's got a very very very sweet singing voice... I ate lunch at the canteen and the Western Food store Auntie was asking me if I was thinking of studying here or visiting my girlfriend... lol!... hahaha... Wadever... I got to know some more of Jac's friends cos she was using the practice room after them... Reminds me so much of the days back in Queen Mary's College... I saw Daniel there too!!! Hahaha... Just played with him on Thursday... Then met Ivan and Fabian, both quite good at music... And after that, all of them left as Jac was rehearsing the songs with me... I think it went quite smoothly... I can't believe Derek is also playing for her... small world... hrmm... Ivan and Daniel came back to the room just as Jac and I were about to finish... We jammed a bit more... Jac left...

We went to Daniel's house after that cos he was preparing a birthday gift for Michelle... I was listening to his solo album... sounds really like Martin Taylor... He's really good!!! I thought it WAS Martin Taylor... I also picked up some new riffs and tips from him... hee... I didn't actually wanna go out that night, but I'm glad I did... Listen on and you'll see why...

Ivan had to get a birthday present for his sister at Popular 1st, then we had dinner at this Indonesian restaurant Daniel recommended at Lucky Plaza... Ayam Pennye Ria... I think... He's got lotsa friends there... haha... kept saying hi to them and stuff... He's really an amazing fellow... he was doing engineering in his hometown Surabaya, Indonesia before he came to Singapore... And he's only picked up English ever since he came here 2 years ago... quite fluent I must say... and his guitar playing is super pro!!!

Anyway, we went to Marina Mandarin to catch Michelle perform her few last songs at CenterStage... met this guy called Darrell as well... Her pianist... Then we were kinda of hungry again... haha... so we went up to the food court on the top level... only one shop was open... sigh... oh well... Hokkien Mee it was then... We thought of going to Harry's Esplande to see Paul Ponnudurai play but some one else was playing so we went to see Michelle and Daniel's friends Johnny and Roseanna play at IndoChine at Clarke Quay... They make a lovely couple I must say... Roseanna is like a splitting image of my Auntie Susan...

Anyway, Ivan had to go home so it was just 4 of us now... Daniel left early too... so sad... cos Roseanna wanted him to jam... haha... Darrell also left a bit later... so I got to know Roseanna a bit more... cos the rest of the musicians were like backstage some where... Then Roseanna wanted Michelle and me to jam so we went up for like 2 songs... haha...and I was like trying to sight read the songs but they were all hand written so it was bit hard... so I had to like hear what the bassist was playing and try and 2nd guess the chords... what a laugh... Well, I got called back up to play for the last song... "How High the Moon"... at least I knew that... haha but it was in Eb... still can lah... hee...

I got to know Tim, the pianist a bit... and wonder of all wonders!!! He comes from UK, his home town is Basingstoke and he went to the same college that I did when I was there!!! Roseanna and Michelle broke into the "It's a small world" song instantly... haha... Cool... Then Johnny was talking to me about musicians and integrity and leaving more space in solos... I was enlightened... hee... I realised I still have a lot to learn... We also wished Michelle a Happy Birthday cos it was like 2am then... haha... I took a cab home from South Bridge... This time it was a nice driver!!! hahaha... super shack now...

Oh, another girl added me to friendster today... but I dun know her and she's from Philippines and it's like sooo random... hahaha... hrmmm.... Anyway... Leaving my life in God's hands is so much better than trying to make my own life work for me... and though there may be some ups and downs... I dun mind cos pressure is needed to make a diamond and fire refines pure gold...

I'm all smiles...

Strangers in the Night

Yes!!!! It didn't rain yesterday!!!! Whoo hoo!!! But the sound man didn't show up... Had to set up everything by myself... sigh... and they didn't even tell me that the sound man wasn't going to be there... wahahaha.... ridiculous... Well, the rest of the night was cool though... Let's start from the morning shall we...

Had to listen to some songs for the recital I'm doing for Jac at Laselle... Quite easy I think... Was talking to Priscilla too... Yea, then after that I went to my Uncle's place to drop off some stuff, then followed him to some apartment he was showing his client... He dropped me off at Barker later cos I had to settle some church camp stuff... I'm supposed to pay Auntie April on Sunday... Can someone remind me? haha... Then I went to the canteen to wait for Dean to finish his remedial lesson and I bumped into Rev Juliette... Not literally... lol...

As I was waiting for Dean, Jared's ex-girlfriend came down the stairs... I didn't recognise her at 1st... Then only after she said hi and stuff, we were both like... "what's your name?"... hahaha... Well, in any case I got Audrey's number and msn... The 1st time I saw her was like at the ACS carnival and she was being dunked as I was trying to find out if she knew me... Cos she was waving to me and I thought she was waving to someone else.... argh... long story... hee...

Ok I went to Borders after meeting Dean and collecting his camp money... both of us are sharing a room with Joseph... That'll be fun... wahaha... I needed to go and get a present for Lester... Can't tell you what I got him cos I dunno if he reads this... hee... All I can say is.... It's soooo hard to shop for guys!!! argh... I sound like a girl... no offence yall... :) bleah... I met Jason at Borders too!!! And he was also in the same predicament... we went to popular after that to get some birthday cards...

Jane called me to say she was in town... so we met up half an hour later... She had to go and pay her bass fees at Plaza Singapura so I accompanied her and guess who I saw? Johnson Lee!!! My former army officer in SAF Bands... He's thinking of buying a Clavinova or something... haha... Also met one of my Dad's friends Michael Song... At least that's what I remember... I'm not very good with names... I remember faces better... haha... Yea, so we went to Coffee Club after that and that's when I found out that the sound man was no where to be seen... grr... had to set up everything by myself... sigh....

Anyway, Daniel came super early that day too... haha... 630pm!!! wow... He helped me set up as well... Poor Jane waiting there with no one to talk to... sorry gal!! Not how I wanna treat my childhood friend... paiseh... Oh and Jaime, Hagen and one of their friends dropped by but there was no space so I only got to talk to them... they didn't catch me in action... Haha... it doesn't matter... at least I've finally met Jaime... my personal "shrink"... Long story again... haha...

Well, we did manage to get everything sorted out in the end... had dinner and Joel and his family came that night... sweet... Sooo many people... After we started playing, Bryan came and sat down with my friend Jane, then Florence Chang arrived with her student as well... I think her name was Mei Qing... or something like that... oops... hee... Sat with Bryan and Jane too... I hope it wasn't too awkward for you guys as well... Like nobody knew each other... haha so weird... I haven't seen Miss Florence Chang in ages!!! Like since Chapel Band days in ACS (Barker)... and I can't believe she noticed I plucked my eyebrows... wow... Samantha came when I was playing my last song for the 1st set but since she likes bossa, I threw one more in for her... haha...

After our 1st set, I talked with Samantha 1st cos she was like sitting by herself at the table and all... Then, I introduced her to Daniel, Bryan, Jane, Florence and Mei Qing.... I can't believe Mei Qing knows my former class mate Glenn Seah... small world... must be same church or something... Had a fun time catching up with every one of them... All of them strangers to one another... But I was amazed at how they got along so well... They were like laughing and giggling and stuff and it seemed like they knew each other for years... Me and Daniel went back up for our second set and I think I had a sore throat... my voice wasn't working properly... haha... man... well, anyway, Bryan, Jane, Samantha and me stayed back to talk for like another hour or so... Non-stop!!! so fun...

Oh yes... I forgot to mention... someone wrote down on a piece of paper for me to play Moon River... But I didn't know who it was so I was keeping my eyes peeled for who would react to the song when I played it... 2 beautiful girls at the back... haha... interesting... Anyway, I went up to one of them after the 2nd set and asked her if she was the one who requested for the song and apologized to her if it sounded bad cos I was sight reading it... Yea... then she was telling me that she thinks she knows me and asked if I was from Ngee Ann Poly.... And I'm like noo... I dun think so... complete stranger... haha... lol... I didn't ask for her number and stuff, though I would have loved too... haha... self control man... self control... Oh well, at least she enjoyed the music... reward enough for me... haha...

Ok then I went back to the table with Bryan, Jane and Samantha and they were asking me like... who's that? And I told them that I have absolutely no idea... haha... So funny... You should have seen the looks on their faces... Right, after talking more about models, mass com, abs, local celebrities and Don Johnson, we headed toward the MRT station and left for home... Fun night...

My Giordano wrist band says "world without strangers", the opposite side says "friends"... wouldn't be nice if everyone in the world knew each other? hrmmm... I keep thinking strangers are friends you haven't met yet... haha... going to meet more "friends" on Sunday at Lester's party... And meeting Jac today to practise as well... Oh I also need to find out who is this mandietan@hotmail.com who just added me to MSN... Right now I don't need a girlfriend... I need a reality check and God above all...

Peace yall, I'm content...

Ain't Misbehavin'

Mei Jian's musical was quite fun I must say... It was good getting to know more people as they rehearsed their songs... Got to know Ravin, Jasmine, Fazli and Yu Han better... I think we all loosened up a bit more too and felt more comfortable around one another... Then I went to Macdonald's for dinner... Started raining cats and dogs just as I walked in... After that, I went home to check my mail and talk to my dad, Samantha and Claire over msn... Then I had to go out again cos Amanda said she had a craving for cheng teng and asked if I was free to go out... arghh... I had just had my bath!!! Anyway, I did go out later to have supper at Chomp Chomp... She brought her sister, Amelia, along too... had a good time catching up and all... then her mum sent me back cos my house was one the way to theirs... haha... even though I lived so near and could walk home!!

Right... so other than receiving 5 new messages in my phone this morning and finding out how to go to Laselle for Jac's prac, nothing really interesting except that I have to complete another essay for uni, and practise my piano today... Unless you wanna hear some more about the love issues... haha... I thought you would... :) Ok here goes...

Well, for starters, I need to constantly remind myself that God has a divine plan for my life and that I need to stop worrying about who I'm going to meet next or whatever... yea... and I was also talking to Randy, Roy, Julian, Minli and Kimberly the other day about dating... Which reminds me, I think I'd better plan a dinner session with Uncle Chris and see what he has to say... Can you believe I was also talking with my Dad this kinda stuff? Weird... haha... well, they've all got a lot of interesting points to consider... I don't really know how to explain but I'll try...

They were telling me like how one shouldn't date unless you have the intention of getting together or if you make it clear to the other party that you just wanna be friends and that it's better to go on group outings and stuff... And right now I'm trying to keep and open mind although sometimes, I can't help being me... But the thing that really got me thinking was about saving all the love you have right now for someone you will love in the future... I think Zaneta also pointed that out on Sunday... I'll recount the story for you...

It's about this guy on his wedding day marrying his bride... and when the pastor asks the bride, "Do you take this... blah blah blah", the bride wasn't the only one who said I do... All the groom's ex-girlfriends appeared one by one in the congregation, all saying I do in front of a rather befuddled bride... get the point?

If you watch the music video of John Legend featuring Kanye West, you'll get an idea... The title of the song is "I used to love you"... not exactly the same concept as the scenario above, but it'll certainly get you thinking... The scene is set in a church... You should really go and watch it... It got me thinking...

Ok, here's a Bible chapter for you...

1 Corinthians 13

v1 - If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

v2 - If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

v3 - If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

v4 - Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

v5 - It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

v6 - Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

v7 - It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

v8 - Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

v9 - For we know in part and we prophesy in part,

v10 - but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.

v11 - When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.

v12 - Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

v13 - And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

If you just scrolled down to see what I have to say, please go read the verses again properly and this time try to understand what it says... haha... cos it's all there... the definition of love... so you see, if I want to "date", I realise I need to consider these things... v4-7... and consider what the other party is feeling... I realise I need to be less selfish and not delight in evil, and let the Holy Spirit lead me in making the right choices... cos the devil is always seeking out to destroy me and his attacks can be very very very subtle at times... So subtle that a wrong thing may actually seem like a right thing... Thus, I need to let the Holy Spirit guard my heart and not let the evil one sway me...

Interesting how my views on love have changed so much after 7 blog entries... I can't say that I will not go out with girls at all if they ask me to hang out once in a while as friends... But for now I'm going to stop asking girls out with the intention of seeing if there's a possibility of a "could we be together?".... haha... that's a very confusing sentence... I hope you know what I mean... Oh well, I'm still growing... time for me to become a man and put childish ways behind me... read v11 if you haven't yet... :) I leave you with a jazz song I think I might go and practise later... I'm gonna start living my life for Jesus... His ultimate sacrifice on Calvary... The epitome of Love...

Ain't Misbehavin'...

Though it's a fickle age
With flirting all the rage
Here is one bird with self control
Happy inside my cage

I know who I love best
Thumbs down for all the rest
My love was given, heart and soul
So it can stand the test

Your type of man is rare
I know you really care
That's why my conscience never sleeps
When you're away somewhere

Sure was a lucky day
When fate sent you my way
And made you mine alone for keeps
Ditto to all you say

No one to talk with, All by myself
No one to walk with, But I'm happy on the shelf
Ain't misbehavin', I'm savin' my love for you

I know for certain, The one I love,
I'm through with flirtin', It's just you I'm thinkin' of
Ain't misbehavin', I'm savin' my love for you

Like Jack Horner in the corner
Don't go no where, What do I care,
Your kisses are worth waitin' for
Believe me

I don't stay out late, Don't care to go,
I'm home about eight, Just me and my radio
Ain't misbehavin', I'm savin' my love for you

Out of Nowhere

Hahaha... Just after I posted the blog entry yesterday, a lot more things happened... Well, for one, Samantha messaged me to say that she was coming to coffee club on Thursday right after she checks out of Sentosa... haha... hope she makes it... then some random girl added me to friendster and I can't communicate with her because everything in her profie is like in Indonesian!!! Then Jaime sent me her pictures cos she said I dunno how she looks like (we've never met) and that she might be dropping by with Hagen on Thursday night... then some girl named Jacq wants me to play for her recital at Laselle... and that's only the boring stuff... surprised? haha... Oh!!! Deric, my non-Christian friend also expressed an interest in accompanying me to church on Sunday... hope he comes...

Went out with Priscilla Samson last night... Ok, so we didn't exactly watch Spongebob but cos it was a Monday night... haha... what to expect right? We met at Cineleisure 1st and couldn't find a movie that started before 8 so we headed to Lido... Oh before that, I met Luke, my former classmate and someone I haven't seen in 8 years or so... he's going into army soon... Anyway, so yea... Lido also didn't have any movies starting before 8 so we went to see the earliest movie we could find... ended up watching The Wedding Date... interesting movie...

Anyway, Pris wanted Tako Pachi and I needed something to eat so we went to Taka bought some snacks and went back to eat at Lido... couldn't stop laughing while we were at it... Pris was laughing so hard that tears started rolling down her eyes and people were like staring at us and stuff... hee.... so funny.... yea, then it was the movie and we walked back to the MRT... then I decided not to take the MRT cos I'm like so lazy and stuff... haha... so I walked Pris to the bus stop then took a cab home... Yes Jaime, I kept my hands to myself (sortta), aren't you pleased? hahaha.... :)

Well, I got home and watched a bit of Las Vegas, Fraiser then Arrested development... Hee... Slept like a baby... Then this morning, I got up and of all surprises, my dad messages me in the morning and I have to write another essay!!! arghhh... hahaha... at least I've done it already... yay! Checked my email to download the questions and Uncle Victor gives me this email saying that actors/actresses are needed for some advertisement on unwanted pregnancy and stuff... haha... what a laugh... I turned down the offer... would have been kinda of interesting to act though... oh well, going for Mei Jian's musical in the afternoon... but before that I think I'd better tidy my room a bit... The other day, I found a fork in my bag... Yes you heard right, a fork!!!! I still need to find that song I wrote... must be somewhere around here.. haha... I wonder what more surprises are in store for me today... yea...

Interesting...

The Best Is Yet To Come

You know what... every time I start to think that I like a girl, I meet new ones and my opinion changes now and then... but I'm also constantly reminded that I need to wait because God has a divine purpose for my life...

Jeremiah 29:11 - “I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

It can't be coincidence that I was talking with Dan, Yado and Zaneta over lunch yesterday about Joshua Harris books... or why Deanne messaged me early in the morning today with a bible verse very similar to this one... I can't remember now... argh... shouldn't have deleted it... or why Minli was talking to me the other day over msn on how a lot of young people in church need to stop viewing new people they meet as their potential boyfriend or girlfriend... In any case, God is pulling me back... I can sense it... I just need to put my complete trust in Him...

Well, if you wanna know what happened over the weekend... Saturday was worship leader training... a lot of people didn't show up... but Wyman and Alfrin weren't discouraged... bless them... I really appreciate what they're doing with the music ministry and stuff... Yea.. then Jennifer had worship practice... not too bad... and then I went for dinner with Yue Chang, Suyin, Halim, Melissa and Cherene... Thai Express isn't too bad either... haha... They actually wanted to go for coffee but I think Mel was too full and she wanted to go home... So they told me if I wanted a lift I'd better follow.. haha... so just before leaving, Suyin and Mel went to the face shop and I had to tag along... lol... Anyway, it was kinda bright... as in the lighting and stuff... haha...

Ok, Sunday comes and Jennifer is leading... the worship team pulled through I think... haha... better than practice... quite fun.... Oh!!! I saw Jolene too!!! She told me that Gilly was back as well... interesting... haha... then somehow as I was packing up the piano, I ended up talking with Bryan Wong and Daniel Simanjuntak... some lame jokes... haha... then also ended up meeting this new girl, Amanda... dunno how... haha... says that she used to come to Barker but hasn't been going for sometime or something like that... knows Sabrina and all... Anyway, I didn't get to talk much... Went to the canteen and talked with Dominic for a bit... that guy has changed his fashion style man... haha... more flamboyant... oh well... Bought lunch and ate with Ryan, Charlotte, Zaneta and this girl Joanne from Wesley... was playing with Shayna, Uncle Edward's 5-year old daughter too... she's sooo adorable... haha...

Priscilla and Jo-An cancelled their piano lesson with me so I hung out with Daniel, Yado, Zaneta, Joseph and Szu Yong at Pudong for a second lunch but I didn't eat... The service there is really bad... I suggest you don't go... haha... yea... then talked about the Joshua Harris books... Then I went back with Joseph and Zaneta to play for 5pm service... and after that it was games with a few new people... Aaron, Becki, Charmaine, Gracie, Ryan, Min and lots more I didn't really get to know... Anyway, it was quite fun....

We had dinner at Novena Square... It was the 1st time Xiao Hui and Zheng Yang joined us.... yay!!! Let's see... there was Edmund, Joo Teng, Rachel, Sandra, Kenneth, Deanne, Dorcas, Abigail, Zheng Yang, Xiao Hui and Joseph... Oh and we met Guang Zhao there as well... having dinner with his family.... Then it was dessert at California Deli.... I was tempted to order a cake... haha... ask the rest... I'm not saying anything...

I just woke up... still very tired... haha... and I need to go out later... watching Spongebob with Pris... I need a haircut... hrmmm... maybe I'll get one later... haha... Well, after all the things that happened over the weekend, I'd better see what I can give to God instead of seeing what I can get out of church... And I need to get my hands on the Joshua Harris books and find out the difference between dating and courtship... :)

Change starts now... :)

Secret Love

I have a girlfriend!!! and I realise I've been neglecting her for a long time... hahaha... thought it might catch you're attention... well well, I bet your ears are all pricked up now... : ) We knew each other since we were 5... and got attached at 13.... Anyway, here are some pictures of me and my baby... Hee.... some private moments of a 7 year relationship...




Haha... gotcha... yea... I haven't been practising much lately... cos I've been too engrossed in blogging and making new friends and stuff... I need to get my fingers back in shape... they're all wonky and stuff...

Went to Mei Jian's rehearsal the other day... got more comfortable with the cast there... Ramu can play for free!!! Yay!!! Will be working with him soon... Was talking to Huili, Mark and Kelvin last night... Interesting conversation... can't say much but I think we agree on the same thing... or person... lol... also talking to Minli and Kimberly... yes... I've finally heard the llama song.... super retarded... haha... oh and Kimberly told me that she didn't think that I was the kind who was interested in girls... more interested in music... gosh... maybe I should quit music... but then again... what fun would that be? haha... sorry... it's my passion... you girls just gotta keep up... haha... yea right... *eyes dart round*

Anyway, I'm going for the worship leader training today... could wake up late cos Hazel cancelled the piano lesson... must be tired from all her work... Oh well, what else... hrmm... I'm meeting Priscilla on Monday for a movie... Lester invited me to his birthday party... I think I'll go... heck... I should go... I remembered how it was like when friends didn't show up or played me out at some functions... yea... I'm going... and I'm keeping myself busy with Mei Jian's musical... and the YFC garage... yea... better ways to spend more time with God... I need to get back on track... well, blogger is working again... more photos heading your way...

Watch this space...

At Last

At last!!!! Met up with Daniel Milton yesterday... boy it was sure great seeing him again... Right around 6pm as I saw him bound down the stairs of phoenix LRT with a wide grin on his face, all my thoughts of how he's changed as a person just faded... I knew instantly that we were gonna have a great time catching up...

It's been a good 11 years or so since I last saw him... and after all this, he's still the same... more mature, stronger but he's still good old Daniel as I last remembered... sweet... two old fogies hanging out on a Thursday evening... :)

We went to some 24 hour hawker centre near his place... as least I think that's where we went... haha... yea... bought me dinner and all... the black pepper chicken rice was divine!!! Thanx pal!!! Chatted about our lives and stuff... and connected them some how... hahaha... everything from army to friends to family and even teaching!!! yea... he teaches martial arts... interesting what he has to say.... what you can learn from anyone... that sortta stuff...

Popped by his place later to give his mum a surprise visit... saw his little brother on the way up.... haha... cute.... I'm stunned that she remembers me after all this time and even knows where I stay!!! Amazing.... really amazing... yea... said hi to his dad and sis too... His mom wanted me to call Uncle Dax and Auntie Mary cos they stayed nearby and maybe we could visit... they used to be in the same church as us before... So I called Uncle Dax on his mobile... He couldn't remember me... haha what a laugh... I had to describe who I was and stuff until it finally clicked... hee... anyway... he was busy that night.... hrmmm... maybe next time.... anyway... they wanted to hear me play the piano so I did... then I took some photos with them.... here they are... hope the pix work... hee... just figured out how to do this thing...



Yea... after that, I followed Daniel to Lot 1 to catch The Pacifier... not too bad a show... hrmm... who would have thought this was Disney material... haha... yea... I wish the evening hadn't come to an end so soon... but all good things eventually must.... so... we walked back to the MRT and with a hand shake, hug and slap on the back, left for home...

Well, after yesterday I'm reminded of the good old days back in my old church where everyone was close to each other.... how I miss that.... and now, I'm beginning to think twice about making too many new friends... and about keeping up with the old ones... Not to say that making new friends isn't good or what... but like everything else in life... it needs balance...

Oh, Florence Chang my old school teacher might be dropping by coffee club next week with two ex-girls.... Bryan Wong might be coming with his friends... and Samantha, someone whom I just got to know, expressed interest in going.... There you go.... past, present and future all wrapped into one...

'Nuff said...

I'm Beginning To See The Light

Hrmm... interesting... on the tag board 2 girls say I've got to read Joshua Harris books... one is my sis... the other, another friend... I've just checked it up on Google... and from what I've seen, I think I can already guess what the books are about... Even though I've never heard about a Joshua Harris before... but do correct me if I'm wrong... it kinda stunned me for a moment... from the captions and all... Then I realised I was veering off on a tangent in my life...

Now there is this part of me that wants to take back all that I said yesterday for fear of public humiliation and another that wants to leave it there as a reminder of how naive I was... But for now... I'm going to leave it there... and face the music... haha...

The title on one of the Joshua Harris books reads... "stop dating the church"... now... that is a very big wake up call and it hit me like a tonne of bricks... In your face and to the point... 'nuff said... now all of those girls I've mentioned yesterday are from a variety of places... maybe one or two from church... if you asked me 5 mins ago... "hey, do you think what you're doing is right?" I would just brush you off and say "I dunno" or give you some other evasive answer... but now, after looking up Joshua Harris, I am challenged... and it makes me think twice about shooting my mouth off in public...

Instead, I have come to realise that I should let God take control over all of my life... and when I say all... I mean... body and soul... all of me... I realise that I have to keep God at the centre of my everyday living... I realise that I have strayed a bit since I have stepped down from the music ministry and have had more time to myself... I realise that I've gotten carried away with this free time and forgot about God and about what it means to be a living sacrifice for Him...

I realise that I need to repent and need God's forgiveness...

I realise that even in my own church or others, that there are lots of guys and girls who "date" in the church, subtle as it may be... and I realise I must not conform to the ways of this world or peer pressure...

and I realise that all this is not easy...

All I can do now is pray for myself and for others that we all may come to know and understand the full extent of God's mercy, grace and love... and that we not take it for granted like we all have a countless number of times...

So no interesting stories about my life today but rather some reflective thoughts to get you thinking... I know that I need to surrender everything to Him... I hope you will too... Well, I just can't keep on saying this and not do anything about it... actions speak louder than words... I'm cancelling some dates I've planned and I think I might spend some time with the Lord instead... I'll let God lead and trust not on my own understanding... very few people realise that this verse is up on the wall where we worship at Shine Forth... "Proverbs 3:5"... I think that's the verse... I may be wrong... haha... like I so often am at times but refuse to admit...

After all, I'm only human...

James 4:4-17

v4 - You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.

v5 - Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely?

v6 - But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

v7 - Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

v8 - Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

v9 - Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom.

v10 - Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

v11 - Brothers, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against his brother or judges him speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it.

v12 - There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you–who are you to judge your neighbour?

v13 - Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.”

v14 - Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.

v15 - Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.”

v16 - As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil.

v17 - Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.

The Man That Got Away

Marina told me last week that I was beautiful and that I would break many hearts... Now I can hear some of you cackling with disbelief... Personally, I try very hard not to let this stuff go to my head... but I think I realised what she meant by that statement...

Oh before I continue, some people have asked me if I'm comfortable sharing my love life with you guys and gals... to that I say... my life's an open book... I've shut friends and family out of my life before to keep from getting hurt and emotionally wounded... but I've come to realise that those wounds won't heal fast unless I let friends and family near to tend to them... After all, the last emotional scar was what got this blog started in the 1st place...

Anyway, on to matters of the heart... pun blatantly intended!!! :) yea... I went to watch Miss Congeniality 2 with Fiona yesterday... We had time to kill before the movie so we took a walk around Junction 8... It's changed so much and yet there is still nothing interesting to do... boring... ended up sitting down at a bench talking... I can't tell you much cause some of it was personal... all I can say is that I learnt a lot... *click in my head 1*... we proceeded for the movie... quite fun... Priscilla messaged me 3/4 into the movie... asked how I was and stuff... I didn't reply then... so inappropriate... haha... *click in my head 2*... Anyway, I replied to Priscilla after the movie when Fiona went home... Asked Pris if she wants to catch a movie... She didn't reply until that night cos she was working... but in any case, we're going to see Sponge Bob!!! Next week on Monday... yay!!! retarded humour... haha...

Now I can hear some of you mumbling amongst yourselves... and I know exactly why... hey... who says I can't go out with 2,3 or more girls at the same time? When I say same time, I mean time spent individually with each girl during the same week or month... Anyways... I'm not attached anyway... I'm just looking for possibilities... and I've learnt that it is always more important to start off as friends, then continue on to good friends and if the road takes us further so be it... *click in my head 3*... I've had crushes before or maybe you can call it slight attraction... but you know what... I've learnt that it is better to wait than to rush into any relationship at all... *click in my head 4*... and from my previous blog entries you can see what I mean... be it Hazel, Alex, Fiona, Pris.... yada yada yada... hahaha... there you go... I dished out some dirt for you... hee...

Oh!!! I'm seeing Daniel Milton on Thursday!!! It's been ages since I last saw him... A good 8 or 9 years me thinks...will be good to catch up... yea... might be hanging out with Madeline over the weekend too... hrmm.... oh... here's another interesting fact... my dad actually reads my blog!!! *click in my head 5* and told me my mum does too... I was shocked... haha... it's like they're reading my journal or diary or something... so odd... I don't mind anyway...

Was talking to Janice, Abigail and Kimberly last night too... haha... Janice and Kimberly asked if I was comfortable putting up love issues in my blog... I told them I didn't mind... It got them talking to me over msn anyways right? Hee... I'm sooo sneaky... yea right... hahaha.... lol... and the conversations were pretty interesting... you gotta find out yourself... haha... I'm not telling you....

I'm going to Mei Jian's rehearsal today... Just typed out another song properly... Now we have everything... I think... haha... My room is a mess... I think it seriously needs some tidying up... well, better start on that and write down some more numbers in my address book... My phone and SIM card memory are full!!! Which reminds me, I need to follow up on that weird Amanda incident the other day... haha... her sister Amelia wants to know how I am... hrmm... anyways... I'm getting her number to see if there's any misunderstanding...

Oh!!! Another weird thing happened yesterday after the movie... I was on the bus back and this woman was staring at me strangely... I glanced back with a quizzical look then looked away... *click in my head 6*... that was Fenny!!!.... I think... really looked like her but I couldn't ask her cause the bus was so crowded and she got down before me... Now, Fenny and Jenny are sisters who used to be in my cell group a long time ago but I've lost contact with them since I went to UK... sigh... opportunity wasted... hrmm... Clement Chow just sent me his email address... cool... I've just replied to Nikki too... she seems fine... can't wait for me to go back to UK I think... haha...

Well, there you go... Jordan's soap opera... haha... and you know what I still love running free for now... Not prepared for a relationship just yet... the fun part in dating's always the anticipation... mwahhaha... I still have a lot to learn... the single life rocks...

I'm not kidding you....