Loaded

Ok the reason why I haven't been updating this blog much is partly due to the lack of interesting things to write about and jazz week last week and also... Lessons from 9am to 6pm... sortta... Was cool tho... with the lecturers playing a gig for us... sweet... learnt lots of new stuff...

Anyway, Saturday and Sunday usual church and stuff... Yesterday we got given another assignment... sigh... another essay... hate essays... Don't really understand how some people can just write like 2500 words and say that they found it difficult to write less... HOW... Someone tell me... lol... I don't like being verbose....

Well, nothing interesting so far... just new practice tips from Nikki Iles and some other 2nd and 3rd year students... Need to go work on my log or essay now... will keep you updated somehow... hrmm... so many things I need to do...

Out...

Wow

Incredible... One word to describe the emotional paradox I'm feeling right now... incredible inspiration, incredible confusion, incredible happiness, incredible concern, incredible, incredible, incredible...

Thursday was cool... International cafe... Was the biggest gathering of students I've seen so far... Some guys I invited even went for the Bible study... Nice... African Drums Night... Sore fingers... You get the idea...

Friday was rehearsal with Skippo, Jordan and Isaac and a million other singers... well, not really... about 20-30 females that made up a choir... some really good singers... Not sure if Isaac knows I'm NOT actually playing for the gigs... must get things through his head somehow.. lol... And start training another keyboardist too haha...

Saturday was teaching... I video-ed 2 of my students... Not sure how to post on here haha... Msn me if you want to watch... They're improving really fast... Worship prac... oh... that reminds me... still need to type out some more songs... ah... I'll do it on Friday... Had a party at night... Stavros' birthday... cool stuff...

Sunday church as usual... warm... always love being there... then had to go grocery shopping at ASDA... had lunch late... dinner later... don't really know what I did on Sunday also haha... needed sleep...

Monday... eh... wait... that's today... this week's jazz week... packed with activities from morning to evening... some are good... some are boring... but all just drain your energy... feel zapped...

Oh yea... there were a few pieces I've been working on these couple of weeks... in addition to practising and doing some research... Got one down... kinda fun to play... tried it with Skippo and Jordan the other day... had to rehearse a bit 1st tho... haha... then this other Greek guy Alex is actually studying my piece... lol... I'm like dude... go play what you need to practice 1st haha... Don't blame him... it's crotchet = 290... I still find that a bit slow tho... Oh well, lol... Not sure if I'm getting inspiration for new pieces or whether I'm forcing pieces outta my brain... gotta strike a balance I guess... Anyway... been writing some stuff I've been wanting to do a long time ago... last time I guess I had a general idea... at least some of the ideas are developing... anyway... I'm probably ranting to much... better get some sleep...

Bye bye...

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

Monday, nothing much, classes and stuff... I lose track of time so quickly... Last Monday I mean... well, the week came by and then went... managed to get some stuff in which was good... work-wise I mean... still got miles to go... there's always tomorrow... yea right... Saturday was cool... got to hang out with my students again... always a blessing... being around the family... church members anyway... actually... the church I attend was very much like the COOS(Woodlands) one I attended from 8 - 16, or something like that... anyway... so much love... one small or big family... depends how you look at it...

Met up with Meinah on Sunday... She's looking for a job here... as a designer... which is cool... We went around Covent Garden checking some of the arts out... One of them was on a meal break or something... haha... really funny... cos that guy doesn't usually move unless you give him coins...

Went back then had to transcribe 14 songs for Isaac... CD drive wasn't working properly so had to wait for Crystal to lend me her CD player... started at 11pm ended at 1am... Tired...

Monday, classes and stuff... Next week's jazz week... which will be cool... but jam-packed schedule... Wrote some fusion piece at night... Thing is I never really finish pieces I write... Cos I don't like them set in stone too soon... oh well, decided I would complete this one... turned out quite alright...

Skippo, Jordan and I tried it out today... not bad... even if I do say so myself... =p Haha... just listen and find out... or something... was in a good mood today until tonight... Well, not in a bad mood now... but just a little shaken...

For the purpose of the individuals' protection... I shan't write any names up here... Here goes the story... Christian Union... All this time, since I joined... I've assumed many things about the Christians in Uni... I assume they all lead "witnessing" lives... if you can get what I mean... like, to reflect God's glory and all that stuff...

Just like a month ago, I saw some gal from the Christian Union smoking... was surprised at 1st... didn't say much about it then... then just recently another guy in the Christian Union started picking it up... And I'm like whoa... ok... something's going on here... That's just the tip of the iceberg... I've talked with him about it... the discussions with him and me is still going on... I'm only writing all this not as a means for gossip... but as a concerned brother who is worried about the lives of his friends...

So yea... on with the story... now... this guy, a guy whom I've sortta had respect for and sometimes gives talks in the Christian Union... Quite posh and you would never imagine anything bad about him... I just finish practice in the music block and decide to go down to the bar, with some of my friends, to watch this karoke thingy... Whole place was filled with smoke... Lo and behold, I see the guy I'm talking about puffing away on a ciggy... My jaw was like doing push-ups and my brain doing somersaults... I couldn't believe what I was seeing... Hung out for a bit there anyway... Shaken... I need a reality check...

Are Christians becoming more worldly or is the world becoming more Christian? My incomprehensible writing for this entry would probably suffice to demonstrate my unbelief for the events that transpired this evening...

Need help and prayer...

Lament

The real take on my life since I was 7...

Present-Tensity

Shell of encased function falsity. Seek faded footing in grey-space;
Knee-deep-waves, tearing life of disbelief;
[years lost.]
Gone.

Violence in raging release. Hate reveals truth; replace ruthless injustice.
Passion knows pain in righteousness-breeding sin;
Skies burnt beyond brightest star. Uncover love's fall. Shine on eyes close so tight;
Contortion of fair-weathered-faith-everlasting;
Failing recurrent.
Held.
Gone.

Sun rises toward light; disregard black while hands immerse in thickness;
[Lost remorse. Trust. Speak.]
Recede within; glass stare at memories past. See through brick and bone;
fooling analysis; degree of fools judging blind.
Solidify denial in time. Awake to beginning of newest end.
Empty Space. Nothing. Emotion retreating. Regard-standing; Venture involuntary dance of uncomfort.
Starlit glare blinding encased rage. Obsess to fulfill racing storm. Foundation of laughing cries;
Return.
[So young.]
Gone.

Vivid vulnerability. Scream silence at present-tensity suffering indifference;
indifference in paralysis.
Tear from dark to light; light becomes dark. Fear sunset to fire of Heaven earth-bound.
Desire new. Breathe ending. Covered.
[SURGE. COLD. WHITE.]
Gone.

:--:

Trials base lies. Walking rope so fine. Torn. Unravel insecurity.
Outside lost. Shadows; ghosts in awe of chaos. Driven over - down to darkest mirrored calm.
Love knows no time.
Exist in chronic negotiation.
Upset in thought never-lasting.
[Out.]
Gone.

Back. Straight-forward. Riddled in clarity. Held drowning over-head.
Reach out to breathless wonder. Blues, Reds, Greens. Feel so real. Shades drawn long to short.
Curious; Careful; Concealed.
Surrender to life's punishment.
Moments harbor days;
Seconds for feeling greatness.
Glory. Lost.
--Gone.--

You are already famous!
Furious with vision,
nerves crashed upon
hot sharp wordlanes -
reach!

Reach with your bones, your breath, your blood.
Open and explode...

This is ancient.

Honesty is the answer you seek;
you are here to tell the truth -
as best you can.

Moan, mourn, cry the walls away.
Shout glee, dance to keep from
not dancing.
Run in the fields, sing the world's glory, behold
all mystery. Stretch, feel knots unravel, bless
your pain. Chant freedom, god.
You are not alone. Love,
love,
love to keep warm.

Medicine
is a gag for this stuff, and
a damp, dirty blanket, and
sometimes - for better or
worse - a minderaser.
If you want to escape your straightjacket,
follow your voice into the world. It is
your blessing, no matter
how many teachers
and doctors
tell you
It's a curse.

Learn more about my condition...
http://www.pediatricneurology.com/tics.htm
Thankful for friends and family who understand and support me now... Most importantly, God, seeing me through past and present years of ridicule...

You don't know how to miss being normal, you were never really that in the 1st place.




Release... I talk with God and pray and never cease...