All By Myself
Words cannot express how I'm feeling now... but whatever it is... it ain't pretty... hrmm.... guess God's peeling me layer by layer... have you ever felt so much guilt about the things you've done in the past? and it's as if you can't tell anyone about it? Cos you're afraid of the humiliation it will cause you and the hurt it will cause other people... like should you tell them or should you not tell them? hrmm....
Last night I was spending time alone just meditating and I was feeling this whole burden come down on me just as I was about to sleep... I can't describe it... it was like I was reminded about my past... and every single bad thing I did just popped into my head... lotsa emotions... fear, sadness, embarassment, you name it.... etc, etc, etc... I feel confused... Oh well... guess God is doing something in my life right now... just can't figure out what...
Anyway... Friday was fun... the cast from Mei Jian's rehearsal were celebrating Jane's birthday... did you know she's Foo Chow and knows my friend Jeremy from the Foo Chow church? Small world... haha... I'm Foo Chow too... we had a full run in the lecture room... nice place... then after that it was dinner with Fazli, Jin Teng and Mei Jian... boring night... haha...
Today was quite good as well... Jac's prac was fun... I was jamming with Lester and Daniel... trying to memorize some jazz standards... haha... the auditorium in Laselle is pretty decent... cool... I popped by waffle town and bumped into Joseph, Maurice and Jon Woo... Had a drink then went to see Suyin about worship leading for the Yam Jam thingy next Saturday... they were having cell... I met Deanne on the way... hee.... just got back home...
Oh!!! I bought 2 of the Joshua Harris books... I can't seem to put it down... I'm enthralled.. haha.... I think I'm gonna read that later... I won't be surprised if I read the entire book tonight... or both... haha... It's a nice break getting some time to myself at last.... I used to be so busy with worship practices and stuff... hrmm... maybe God wants me to spend more time with Him alone... right... I'm off yall...
Catch Ya Later...
Last night I was spending time alone just meditating and I was feeling this whole burden come down on me just as I was about to sleep... I can't describe it... it was like I was reminded about my past... and every single bad thing I did just popped into my head... lotsa emotions... fear, sadness, embarassment, you name it.... etc, etc, etc... I feel confused... Oh well... guess God is doing something in my life right now... just can't figure out what...
Anyway... Friday was fun... the cast from Mei Jian's rehearsal were celebrating Jane's birthday... did you know she's Foo Chow and knows my friend Jeremy from the Foo Chow church? Small world... haha... I'm Foo Chow too... we had a full run in the lecture room... nice place... then after that it was dinner with Fazli, Jin Teng and Mei Jian... boring night... haha...
Today was quite good as well... Jac's prac was fun... I was jamming with Lester and Daniel... trying to memorize some jazz standards... haha... the auditorium in Laselle is pretty decent... cool... I popped by waffle town and bumped into Joseph, Maurice and Jon Woo... Had a drink then went to see Suyin about worship leading for the Yam Jam thingy next Saturday... they were having cell... I met Deanne on the way... hee.... just got back home...
Oh!!! I bought 2 of the Joshua Harris books... I can't seem to put it down... I'm enthralled.. haha.... I think I'm gonna read that later... I won't be surprised if I read the entire book tonight... or both... haha... It's a nice break getting some time to myself at last.... I used to be so busy with worship practices and stuff... hrmm... maybe God wants me to spend more time with Him alone... right... I'm off yall...
Catch Ya Later...
posted by Jordan at 5:59 pm
5 Comments:
hey kor...
be careful not to let the enemy condemn you.
the Holy Spirit convicts us but only the devil condemns and makes us feel completely horrible.
woul God really want you to feel that way? if no, then it's off the devil.
feeling the grief of sin is good.
but not dwelling in that feeling.
fellowship with God, not the sin.
and i just wanted to give you another reason to add to your stand against dating.
it provides sucha false environment so you don't get to know the person's real self.
then again, you'd probably figured that by now if you've finished the JH books.
with love.
eh... I know lah... i'm just wondering what to do about it... and yea... my stand on dating's much clearer now... thanx for the advice... this mountain has been climbed... or is about to be... haha... cya...
yep, wanna agree with what you're friend said. If it's condemnation you're feeling, then it's not God, cos He won't do that. "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death." (2 Cor 7:10).
But since it's been brought up, you might want to repent and ask God to forgive you of them (if u haven't already)? But if you already have, then it's done. It's forgiven. No doubt about it. Believe it in faith! This is the very thing Jesus has come to set us free from. The guilt and shame of our past. And as for hiding stuff from people, that depends. Sometimes you might need to confess it to someone and get them to pray for you. "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." (James 5:16). Depends on the situation though. Best to consult your church leaders. =)
hi anna, i'm jordan's younger sis actually...hahah...not just his friend.*smiles and waves from uk*
I'll let you guys get aquainted... HAHA!!
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