Darn That Dream

I'm dead... gone... tired... overwhelmed... I've been sitting here at my computer screen for what seems like an eternity, wondering where on earth to start writing about this past "emotional roller coaster ride" week... Maybe I'll start with Friday... since it's a good place to continue from where I left off last Thursday...

Friday started off really well... Went in to the recital hall to practice a little bit before the lesson... Halfway through my practice, this lady comes in and asks me if she can take my picture for the Middlesex University Music Website... I'm like... yea... ok... sure... snap, snap, snap... she's not done... took about 15 mins to take like dunno how many pictures... anyway... she still hasn't emailed them to me yet... cos I wanted to see how it would turn out... ok... she leaves and I carry on practising...

5 mins later some random gal comes into the room starts chatting me up and I'm like who on earth are you... ok yes she was pretty (yes she did catch my eye before but never really talked)... but still... erm... yea... then she starts asking me questions like some sortta interview or something... then asked me to play something and she starts singing... so did that... People start to come in... she asks me for my number... gave it to her and she says she's gonna stalk me... and I'm like what?! Ok nvm... Radio Programme Presentation was dead funny!!! HAHA!!! People said they enjoyed our group the most but anyway... some stupid thing about Kenny G... Had a party at night too... Chaya's birthday party, that was fun... Besides the stalker asking me random questions via text messages...

Saturday was fab teaching 2 kids how to play piano again... they are really intelligent and sweet... Their mom cooked me like so much food... I was bloated!!! Anyway, then it was worship practice... refreshing... actually, every time I go to Pastor Bright's house or meet up with any of the church members I feel, I dunno... like the worries of the world just fade away...

Sunday was awesome... played for the other church that used the premises after us as well... in that building that we rent out... stayed a whole day at Pastor Bright's house like I always do... and we started discussing worldly issues vs biblical issues... Was really insightful!!! man, I love those... oh yea and stalker gal keeps texting me again asking if we should meet up to work on some songs... blah blah... yea guess so... ok I admit to being a little attracted as well... anyway...

Monday was whoa... a full day... Mentally draining... Let's skip that for now...

Tuesday, meeting up with that gal... since I know you people are still reading this and wondering about it... Had a fun time... Couldn't find a practice room so we were like listening to songs in my room instead, trying to figure out chords and stuff... She also starts singing and going on about relationships and stuff... about guys not being good enough for her or that she gets bored of one guy and you know... went to find another practice room later to start working on the songs... she was a bit touchy feely... something in my heart told me to wait... and not act on anything... though some feelings were burning inside me... Today I thank God I obeyed him... And He showed me a clear sign... cos I was kept asking Him to show me if it was ok to pursue this...

Maybe she was desperate or maybe not, I don't mean to judge... Yesterday she said she was going to a friend's place... A friend she said she didn't have anything going on with... so I was like a bit suspicious... cos they like always hang out together... Anyway, I was practising some songs with her and another guy... and that friend of hers is in the other room practising... few minutes later he comes into the room and starts to listen... and in my peripheral vision I can see both of them kissing while this other guy is belting out love songs... well, I guess you can imagine how I felt... I feel better now getting this off my chest actually... thinking about it now logically... but yea... an issue of trust there...

Anyway, I made friends with her new found boyfriend... Then we all had a rehearsal/jam session around 5pm... Ok before I tell you about the jam session... background info... When I 1st came to Middlesex University, I vowed not to get into any relationships so I could concentrate on my studies... Now with this thing happening, I can honestly say it did distract me for a bit... amazing how much can happen within the span of 5 days... maybe I gave a piece of my heart who knows... anyway I'm so glad there was a church worship practice tonight... because I needed support... Just got back actually...

So anyway, jam session... all my emotion went into playing... stalker gal is in the corner watching everything going on as well... That includes clapping from passers by at the end of the song which we jazz musicians don't usually get, disappointed faces when I had to leave, intrigued guys who would come stand by the piano to watch my solos... just trying to illustrate my point... little did anyone know though that some of the best music I made, I think made tonight... Might be more to come... hey can't a person vent once in a while... Sometimes I grow tired of this facade of performing... Almost everyone in my year and some from the upper years who know me assume I'm alright... I can't figure out who's the real me anymore...

Ok, all this may sound childish and immature but it's late, I'm tired, I need a listening ear... Way too many people asking me for favours... teaching and gigging don't really help me relax either... A relationship right now might also add to the busyness... Nobody likes getting their heart burned... why did God chose to show me this lesson at this time? I'm not sure... Does he have a plan for my life? I'm told he does... Do I believe any less in Him? Don't think so...
Well, I feel better knowing I have such support from Christian brothers and sisters... Anyway, I think I'll retire now to bed where I can escape to dream... My wait continues...

Someday I'll Know...