The Rainbow Connection
Whoa... I haven't blogged in ages... argh... sorry pple... here's what's been happening so far... Been learning how to cook, do my banking, getting a phone, sorting out accommodation matters, blah blah blah, yada yada yada.... the list goes on.... I didn't realise how much responsibility comes with being independent... sortta anyway... haha...
Then there's also the friends I miss back in Singapore... I dunno... somehow the pple down here seem to be less than genuine when talking with ya... Minus the odd one or two... it's a culture I guess... got to get used to superficiality... but who am I to judge right? It's possible to feel lonely in a crowd of so many pple... yes I've heard it all before...
Church didn't seem that comforting either... Sometimes my Non-Christian friends in UK seem so much more hospitable... Nobody wanted to talk with me on Sunday... Even people I knew... I guess people get used to your absence... But even as I reflect on this in pseudo-self-pity.... I think to myself, when was the last time I made a new comer in my old church feel welcome? And I wonder...
Being here in UK makes me realise the many number of steps I have to take towards full independence... it makes me realise how much I take for granted in Singapore... and how much more I have to learn in life... and the incredible amount of responsibility that comes with freedom...
Yes, I like being heard and having the freedom to do what I like... which is possibly why I like the stage so much... on the stage I feel free and others listen to me which makes it even better... very so often I get lost in the moment and forget the facts that brought me here... I forget the many hours I spent practising, the relationships with friends built over time, the many encouragements and put-downs from various people, the months of gigging around for free before breaking into the music scene... etc, etc, etc... kinda reminded me about the motivation and drive I've lost in the last 5 years... I don't wanna remain complacent and procrastinate anymore... but talk is cheap... I'll have to prove my worth thru my actions...
I saw a programme on TV the other day... about this guy who was borrowing money from his parents to invest in his music studio business... and he's borrowed about 40 grand... for the last 10-15 years... and he's 36!!! And I think to myself... wow... hope I don't end up like that... what inspired me was that at the end of the programme he got back on his feet...
My birthday just passed on the 18th as well... I'm like 22 already!!! arghh!!! haha... better stop relying on too many people to do things I could easily be doing myself... better buck on studies too... been neglecting them for quite a while... all this time wasted in Singapore... sigh... needa catch up with the competition here soon...
Watched a Diana Krall DVD the other day... and can tell she's improved ever since she broke into the market... see, even the pros practice and get further up the ladder... I feel so musically dry sometimes... practising is like a chore... but it has to be done... I remember the days after "O" levels when I used to practice for 5-6 hours a day... more or less... haha... but I was practicing the right stuff... not just sitting at the piano plonking out songs I liked... It was real proper practice which I haven't done in a while... I hate experiencing stuff I don't know...
I guess it's all the same... fear of the unknown... fear of not being in control... but I think the most important thing when I'm over here is to have the fear of the Lord... And to trust in Him and lean not on my own understanding... coming over here again has been and will be a really humbling experience... But hey... humility engenders learning because it beats back the arrogance that puts blinders on... quote Wynton Marsalis... heee....
Oh well, guess I gotta be contented with what I have right now and at the same time not be complacent and not be envious of other people... tricky... I wonder if the air is fresher up that for those who made it... then again, there's still the dangerous distance to the ground from such a height... haha sorry...the linkages and emotions in this blog entry are all over the place... hard to absorb the paragraphs as totally different entities... anyway, one thing I can tell you for sure is...
The Best Is Yet To Be...
Then there's also the friends I miss back in Singapore... I dunno... somehow the pple down here seem to be less than genuine when talking with ya... Minus the odd one or two... it's a culture I guess... got to get used to superficiality... but who am I to judge right? It's possible to feel lonely in a crowd of so many pple... yes I've heard it all before...
Church didn't seem that comforting either... Sometimes my Non-Christian friends in UK seem so much more hospitable... Nobody wanted to talk with me on Sunday... Even people I knew... I guess people get used to your absence... But even as I reflect on this in pseudo-self-pity.... I think to myself, when was the last time I made a new comer in my old church feel welcome? And I wonder...
Being here in UK makes me realise the many number of steps I have to take towards full independence... it makes me realise how much I take for granted in Singapore... and how much more I have to learn in life... and the incredible amount of responsibility that comes with freedom...
Yes, I like being heard and having the freedom to do what I like... which is possibly why I like the stage so much... on the stage I feel free and others listen to me which makes it even better... very so often I get lost in the moment and forget the facts that brought me here... I forget the many hours I spent practising, the relationships with friends built over time, the many encouragements and put-downs from various people, the months of gigging around for free before breaking into the music scene... etc, etc, etc... kinda reminded me about the motivation and drive I've lost in the last 5 years... I don't wanna remain complacent and procrastinate anymore... but talk is cheap... I'll have to prove my worth thru my actions...
I saw a programme on TV the other day... about this guy who was borrowing money from his parents to invest in his music studio business... and he's borrowed about 40 grand... for the last 10-15 years... and he's 36!!! And I think to myself... wow... hope I don't end up like that... what inspired me was that at the end of the programme he got back on his feet...
My birthday just passed on the 18th as well... I'm like 22 already!!! arghh!!! haha... better stop relying on too many people to do things I could easily be doing myself... better buck on studies too... been neglecting them for quite a while... all this time wasted in Singapore... sigh... needa catch up with the competition here soon...
Watched a Diana Krall DVD the other day... and can tell she's improved ever since she broke into the market... see, even the pros practice and get further up the ladder... I feel so musically dry sometimes... practising is like a chore... but it has to be done... I remember the days after "O" levels when I used to practice for 5-6 hours a day... more or less... haha... but I was practicing the right stuff... not just sitting at the piano plonking out songs I liked... It was real proper practice which I haven't done in a while... I hate experiencing stuff I don't know...
I guess it's all the same... fear of the unknown... fear of not being in control... but I think the most important thing when I'm over here is to have the fear of the Lord... And to trust in Him and lean not on my own understanding... coming over here again has been and will be a really humbling experience... But hey... humility engenders learning because it beats back the arrogance that puts blinders on... quote Wynton Marsalis... heee....
Oh well, guess I gotta be contented with what I have right now and at the same time not be complacent and not be envious of other people... tricky... I wonder if the air is fresher up that for those who made it... then again, there's still the dangerous distance to the ground from such a height... haha sorry...the linkages and emotions in this blog entry are all over the place... hard to absorb the paragraphs as totally different entities... anyway, one thing I can tell you for sure is...
The Best Is Yet To Be...
posted by Jordan at 10:02 pm
2 Comments:
thanks for sharing jordan. liked your last para about trusting in the Lord... being totally dependent on Him.
:)
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